I've been wanting to do a long post since the end of A Levels describing the horrible 2 years I've had,but decided to let it pass.
I'm feeling more embarrassment and shame than sadness.
I just had to flunk the final examination didn't?
Now I've to make serious choices... Try to request to be retained, try to retake as a private candidate, or stick with this and press on with whatever choices I have.By the looks of it, there isn't too many.
The thoughts of these 2 years in VJ haunts me every now and then. I don't know what's it that makes me feel so horrible. The fact that 1 mistake at the very beginning led to a a chain of many other failures, stuck in the "fail cycle" or that I don't know if I've gave it my best shot.
I've thought about it and said that under those circumstances and the situation at that point of time, I did try my best, but then I would question myself if I could've handled the situation better. Also, I kept questioning myself if I was simply using all of these as an excuse.
Well, like my Dad have said ever since streaming in Primary 4, "You got it just because you're lucky" "You're always so arrogant just because you have a few successes" Maybe he's right. Well now's definitely the chance for him to laugh at me, cos I've really plunged into a hole of shittyness now.
It get's even more depressing the more I think about it.
I haven't even achieved anything in those 2 horrible years.
In terms of expanding my social circle. Relationships with people. Improving in extra-curriculum activities...
And then I start questioning myself, biologically.
What kind of person am I? Since it's now officially proven that I'm no intellectual student, neither am I a brilliant leader, good looking character, or even a well liked individual.
It gets so stupid thinking of all of these at ones, like a typical 15-18 year old singaporean student, but sometimes I can't help it, especially when things are looking so bad now.
Well, I guess I'll have to endure all this shame and embarrassment till I get finally gain recognition again. This is depressing, but I guess there's nothing more to life then hardwork. 10 years down the road, I'm still gonna have to tell people I flunked my A level's result and have people go hysterical at the fact that someone who actually made it so far till A levels flopped at the very end, and I probably would not be a doctor/lawyer, not that I ever wanted to, but so be it.
It's hard to say it but as the beatles say it, "let it be", and I have no choice but to let it be.
I'm sorry to all that believed in me, and sincerely thank my mother for always being there for me. I know that she would've definitely loved 4As for her birthday but still have to act like it's alright.
I wish I was a farmer.
I wish I was a homeless guy. It's not a clean sheet anymore, maybe I'll have to make it a colorful one instead.
Sunday, March 8, 2009 '
I'm sorry I did'nt do my part. I dread to hear it now, because of my many screw ups. BUT, since we promised the sea and pussy, WE WILL GET IT! GWH GWH VSCB GWH!
Sunday, February 15, 2009 '
STRESSED! GWH GWH GWH GWH! But when sunday arrives, nothing seems to be able to take place, time just passes by. I hate sundays.
Stress aside,
Isn't that me? Tenor saxophone J What the. I have no idea who posted that.
Sunday, February 8, 2009 '
We have to get it! We can and we will get it! Corny or not, I spoke my mind.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT IT! G W H Ok, I blogged.
Friday, January 2, 2009 '
2nd day of the year 2009. Oh, before I forget, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope I'm not too late. 2009 is going to be a great one!
Oh yes, the date&time you see is not wrong. Fancy waking up at this time huh? Guess the jet lag is really starting to act on me. Anyway, there's lots to be done today. Hopefully it will be a smooth day today. Finger crossed. X
Tuesday, December 30, 2008 '
Almost 24 hours since the touch down on Singapore. Everything's the same. Band, home. Exactly the same.
Trip's photo will be posted soon,hopefully. Tomorrow's the last day of 2008. Time flies. It waits for no man. Oh wells, I look forward to the countdown! :D Photos, resolutions will all be settled another day! It's great to be home! :D
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 '
It turned out rather fun today. It's not a bad idea to be under the sun once in awhile. Although I must admit I am definitely not be the best of volleyball players. Oh oh oh! Here's a nice quiz from Nan Hua : There's a square field with a well in the middle which is 120m deep. A person runs around the field taking 80 seconds for 3 sides and 1minute20second for the last side. Why did he take 1minute20second for the last side?
BECAUSE 1minute20second=80second! LOL! Fine. It was funnier when she said it! :D And you must admit she sure has lots of quizzes up her sleeves.
Oh well, I shall post the pictures when Mirza has uploaded it with his super-duper professional camera. Anyway, one important thing to note- ALWAYS DO YOUR WARM UPS BEFORE ANY SPORT! Everyone was getting cramps on the beach and unfortunately, NHSB's Baritone Sax guy suffered the worst cramp ever and was admitted to the hospital. Luckily he was discharged soon after we reached.
All good must come to an end. Tomorrow is yet another day I have to fret. A 2 man section. No need to further explain this horrid situation.
Further more, I feel doubtful about finishing my holiday homework before I leave for the United States of America. Things seem awfully stressful when you return to reality.
